This evening I saw Michael Bay’s latest opus, “The Island.” Bay might as well start up a screenwriting course championing the four-act structure, but the film was still more entertaining than it had any right to be. Occasionally, my lusting for Scarlett Johansson was put on hold while I pondered why her face suddenly became soft and blurry. I’ve heard of touching up skin tone, but this was ridiculous. Especially considering this was not consistent at all. In once nice close-up, her face was normal, and then on a two-shot with Ewan McGregor, she’s suddenly more plastic than Barbie. The more distracting thing about the film, however was the mind-numbing level of destruction on screen. There was little blood, but the intensity certainly pushes the limits of a PG-13 rating. One reviewer suggested Bay’s last film, “Bad Boys II”, “takes violence and turns it into a new form of pornography.” The action scenes in “The Island” constantly reminded me of such reviews, as it is very clear that Bay is fascinated and obsessed with the minutiae of mayhem. Cars don’t just crah in a Michael Bay film, they tumble, shatter, ricochet and demolish everything in their path. It’s such a shame, because otherwise, “The Island” is a solid, entertaining sci-fi crowd pleaser and far less cringeworthy than I expected. The violence level of “The Island” reminded me of the recent controversy over the video game “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas”. I doubt this game needs a lot of explaination, because the media has now overexposed this ridiculous piece of software. The controversy over this stems from a third-party addition that allows those playing the game on a PC to unlock an extra portion of the game which shows sexual activity. I have not seen this modification, but I have seen plenty of regular game play. Among the things I have witnessed are: hitting pedestrians with cars, stabbing innocent bystanders, blowing up police cars, shooting cops in the head, gang wars, sniper shooting sprees, theft, vandalism and running over people with a combine. All with a non-stop barrage of off-color language, with no hesitation at the inclusion of “fuck.” Of course, now that we can add one minute of sexual activity to the game (with no penetration depicted, mind you), the game is suddenly inappropriate for kids. Forget the fact that picking up hookers and having non-monogamous pre-marital sex were parts of the game play regardless of the visual depiction. WHAT KIND OF GAME DID YOU THINK THEY WERE PLAYING BEFORE, JACKASSES?! Of course, you can murder and rampage with no raised eyebrows, whatsoever. Thank you, Michael Fucking Bay.
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